Sometimes it is difficult to say goodbye or even to continue to hold onto to something that no longer enhances our better selves. Growing up I loved teddy bears and collected near a roomful of fluffy cuteness, but once my girls came along I knew it was time to say goodbye. Those teddy bears just sat beautifully accumulating dust and making me sneeze. Life on a whole is too fleeting to hold on to something that no longer proves fruitful. Just think, if you water a plant and it continues to dry up, would you keep watering it? Friendships can be the image of a dead plant, they die no matter how often you water them. History is a “bugger” at times, especially when our lives are headed in different directions. History often makes us feel obligated to show face and still prove that we are dedicated.
Friendships, are not necessarily straight forward. You have the juggling act of different personalities, tastes, intellects, views and life styles. Sometimes you find yourself compromising more of yourself to suit others. If you could juggle balls would you open your mouth to catch one because you feared dropping it? You would probably choke! I feel the same about friendship. I do not want to feel like I’m choking, neither do I want to be trying so hard to keep the bond or watching my P’s and Q’s in order to keep the entertainment going.
Life is filled with battlefields and sometimes we need that extra pair of ears, or a shoulder to lean on. But that should always be a two-way experience and if it is not then you have a problem. Friendship, to me is about accepting and celebrating those differences that make us so unique. It is a learning curb. I often have to remind myself, not to seek others for my personal entertainment or joy, but to appreciate the fact that I have been blessed with a beautiful bond. Disagreements are okay too, as well as differences in opinion, though some may see this as taboo. If I happen to disagree with you on a subject, I believe that is my entitlement. I also have an opinion, it does not make you more correct than I am, it just means I have a different opinion on the subject that I wish to express.
What about that friendship which vows are those of loyalty? Those bear your soul types of friendship, that swear you to secrecy. I have had a fair few. I could not help feeling somewhat special, because they saw fit to share something so personal, that they would never consider sharing with anyone else! Well, I must admit, I have been fooled too. How annoying is it when you have someone in your life, that tells you something, swears you to secrecy, only later they spill the beans themselves! If something is not open to be shared I think it better not to share in the first place. Keep it to yourself! I believe in persons being allowed privacy but do not speak about private things if you do not want it spread along the street. Streets, were made for movement. Things hit the streets, make movement, get distorted and as it is crushed underfoot it becomes unrecognisable.
I do not believe that we should have to reshape our beings to please others. If I get to a stage in any relationship, that I have to readjust my personality and those things that make me individual, to fit in with another’s perception of me, then it is time to say goodbye. Perhaps I should have kept my teddy bears, but that’s another story. We need to learn to love ourselves more before seeking acceptance from others. All relationships in our lives should have two-way faith, our differences should only make us individual and be one of the added bonuses that keeps those bonds alive. We have to learn to live our lives without fearing what others think and just be, to the best of our ability.
Alison N Turner-Lewis
ANL © 2017